Attachment and Individuation

The first "task" an infant must accomplish in the world is to securely attach to mother. This is exemplified by the child nursing at the mother's breast, a picture of intimacy and security par excellence. If mom is a "good-enough" mother, the child is able to establish a deep sense of well-being, and in its heart a symbol of mother-love is created. There is virtually no sense of separate identity apart from Mom. Attachment to Dad follows, and creates a symbol of protective father-love as well. If all goes smoothly, the child's internal symbolic system contains wholesome images of mother and father, love and boundaries, safety and security. The child can then go on to separate its identity from mother and father.

This process can easily be observed in toddlers, who when exposed to a new situation cling to mother initially and then later venture out to explore their environment. If frightened the child runs to mother for reassurance. She comforts him and he soon calms down and goes of on his own again. Eventually the child gains mastery of the new environment. (Some young ones repeat this process into their thirties and forties!)

During separation from mother, father becomes very important. His job is to come in between mother and child and help the child to gain a unique sense of competence and uniqueness apart from Mom. This is a process which continues through the teen years, culminating in Individuation and self-acceptance in the early twenties for most young people. If all has gone well, the young person's deep heart or symbolic system will contain loving symbols of both same- sex and opposite-sex parents. The young man or woman will successfully identify with same sex and also complement the opposite-sex comfortably. He or she will be ready to launch out into the world, find a spouse and establish a new family.